The Future!

My will had shaken up a bit but I recovered. I sense I have overcome the final hurdle. So I just finish what I started.

About the first drug - was it a truth serum of some type? You were rummaging through my mind and I was singing like a canary. You were looking for the clues of a personal problem strong enough to justify my behavior and your monitoring too. When you couldn't find one, you created one with the second drug. In that process, you got access to all my deepest fears and insecurities, which would later give you everything you ever needed to continually harass me. But you thought wrong, I survived long enough to tell the Truth!

When I said 'I am dying' to my friend. I exactly meant what I said since I had been having serious concerns over my health. This is what I call Fate. But you were expecting that, weren't you? Evidenced by the swiftness with which you delivered the second drug. You had planned all this and had been executing them step by step. There is a big difference between depression and suicidal depression. Which I would go on to experience much later, thanks to you. But they are all gone now!

Don't keep regretting the drug you gave me in Hyd didn't work out. Because I was expecting that one. It was the same one as the second drug, wasn't it? Because I remembered how it felt. I could sense my will go down a bit and it affected you know where. Did you really think that I would jump off the cliff from these worthless chemicals? Looks like you didn't get my clues I was offering you through my thoughts. And the one you gave me on Jan 17, 2013. Was it a bromide compound? After knowing fully well about the state of my heart, you were hoping that I would get a heart attack if you raise my heart rate through this. I know if I go and complain, you would appear gracefully out of nowhere and say that I am crazy. However, this was the biggest giveaway from you. After all, you decided to end me 'naturally'. This had emboldened me to a great degree. All my worst fears were gone. I was unfettered again!

I believe I found the Creator, the Sustainer and the Destroyer. It permeates all space and life. And all it seems to be interested is in it's own continuity. That's it's true will. I experimented with my own free will. By not perpetuating, I defied it's only will. Thus I am the true rebel! And I paid the price so dearly. I do regret it sometimes. This has been my personal conflict with the true God. You intervened and messed it all up beyond any redemption. You see, it deserted me before but still kept me alive and protected me in the end. You are no longer fighting me, you are fighting it! 

I don't know if you recorded videos of my ex-wife too. I am not saying you did because I don't know if you could do that to someone other than me. But I can't help but wonder how closed door activities found it's way to one of my colleague's mouth. Did you really think I would settle for a life with a wife whose loyalties are with you. I know why you would want that but I definitely don't want that. Between that and this, I choose this!

I realized you had boxed me up for your own vested interests. That I am evil, stupid, arrogant, and so on. As long as I stay within the confines of this box you stay happy, I survive. Whenever I stepped outside, you did what you always did. You know what I realized, this box is too narrow for my life. I need to break free and attain my true destiny!

You have abundantly made it clear that you are not going to recompense for your sins. And even though I told the Truth, I can't eliminate the culpability of parties involved. So I guess this is where we part ways. I believe no apologies are needed from either side. I can forgive but I can't forget. I believe you feel that way too. I have chosen a path to focus more on research in my area of interest. I found the one I was looking for and I would spend rest of my life admiring it's Marvel, Magnificence, Glory, Beauty, Elegance and Perfection. And be grateful for that. That's it.