Spirituality

I have always been questioning the existence of God as far back as I could remember.  I never took anything for granted when it came to these things. I guess my quest for this Truth has always been there inside me just like everyone else. It was very easy for me to put aside the dogmas that were part of any religion. I knew there is no Truth in them. Just another way to control the mind. It's only natural for me to turn to spirituality in search of the Ultimate Truth.

It was never my intention to go to the jungles, not to seek God at the least. Even though God, you seem to think I would do that someday based on your projections at a superficial level. An instance among many of how your crystal ball is far from the Truth. I am sure, you would explain it away by saying that I changed my mind just like how I did many other times. If you look back at all the times you have been profiling me, you would know that there is one unwavering aspect in my life. My adherence to the Truth. I didn't choose this way during times of crisis. It's been there in me all along. You would see that this aspect of my life is the very thing that's sustaining me at the same time hindering my progress. You do see the irony here, don't you God?. You figured a specious allegation could destroy this person more than it would anyone else, but you didn't know that that's exactly what would keep me alive!

I always knew there is something wrong in the way my thoughts originate and flow. I always had the difficulty in holding on to a single stream of thought. If I develop the ability to withdraw from one and focus on to the next, then I could overcome this difficulty. I knew the solution to this problem lied in meditation. Maybe If I had practiced it long enough, I would have gotten the ability by now. I still could. So the drug's main intention is to exploit this very weakness of mine, isn't it God? In one aspect, I was already semi-drugged without the aid of any drugs. You pushed it a bit by giving me the real one. Complemented by my shabby and dazed looks, you had gotten yourself a believable story! God, I ain't letting it go as long as there is breath!

You might think I am a failure God. But I am not. I succeeded in many things despite what you did to me. It may not be apparent if you look at them with the intention of effacing them from everyones view. I admit I lack in certain aspects but you were much obliged to exaggerate and project only those. Anyone with a bit of free will would have deduced that by now God. Your attempt is to fool the people who let themselves fooled, over and over. I don't concern myself about them anymore. They have already chosen their side. They belong to you. Just remember, they only chose your side because of what you showed them. To me, they constitute the lower rung of the free will ladder. I know you couldn't fool the ones at the top. And they are my friends. I know they are out there and I don't even see them, but their thoughts are with me. I recognize some the instant I see them and we become friends at the same pace. You see, I am not friendless!